How Lucky Am I?

Apr 5, 2009 at 3:50 PM
6 comments

You know,

I used to view my losses in family and material things as proof that I was wronged - and that I had every reason to be a butthole when I saw fit. Through various recent experiences I have come to view my 'losses' as blessings. Blessings that were disguised by my own self pity, pride, and inadequacies.

My ex wife

left just me just in time. I fell into addiction shortly after she left - my child and my ex were spared being drug through my fall and all the terribleness that comes with addiction. I was spared the guilt and pain that would have brought.

The bank wanted

their house back just in time to prevent me from turning it into a crack house. My neighbors were spared the blight and danger. I was spared a criminal record - and possibly my life.

The banks took

their cars back just in time - so that I didn't sell them to any dope men to feed my addiction. The banks were spared a total loss. I was spared a criminal record - and possibly my life.

All of the above provided

excellent excuses for an addict that views themselves as a victim to go back out and use - because the world has been mean to them and by god they deserve to be high or drunk. That's how most people - not just addicts - think about their situations. That's how I still believed - sooooo my income went away just in time to prevent who knows how many well funded relapses and certain death.

biological family - unknown to me before December - came into my life after 39 years. I've met my mom, my sister (hi sis), and two brothers. WHAT! - I have two moms that love me and they are both fantastic cooks. How lucky can a man get?

And now,

I'm packing a few things that I plan to keep somewhere ... and moving to a recovery house for addicts in the next day or two. The gentleman that runs the house is going to let the weekly rent slide at the beginning. How lucky is it to find someone like that?

WHAT (in my best Craig Ferguson voice)?

You mean my old landlord wants their apartment back? Even after a charity offered to pay my rent? The landlord refused payment in full and I just posted about this and blamed them for being greedy. Man, I'm just grateful

that someone else may have a chance to live here - perhaps they lost their home too? I'm thankful that I get go and live with other addicts - I hope that someone is there that I can help. I feel strongly about going to this recovery home rather than staying with either of my moms. After I told my mom about the landlord refusing full payment she put it best, "maybe you were not meant to be in that apartment." She knows the hoops that I jumped through to line up payment to save my apartment.

And then

there have been a handful of other positive/lucky/blessed/awesome/cool things that have happened the last few weeks that I either can't quite verabilize or that I'm not ready to share.

I'll still be around

but I'm going to be back to relying on the library for my internet access. If I don't return a message quickly enough just know that I will return it when I can! I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here and all is great.

6 comments

Tags:

life

Comments

*sigh*

Your writing humbles me.
It reminds me to cherish the bad AND the good....the lessons we learn from both are life changing.

:)

xoxo

[this is good]

Sometimes its hard to see the blessings in disguise. I'm glad you have gotten a glimpse into the "could have been"s and see how blessed you are.

Keeping you in my prayers.