Unidentified Emotion

I volunteered to
take all the weekend hours that no one wanted - and guess what?  Everything I got has been canceled so far.  Two busted trips across town already.  Whadda ya wanna bet that my 6pm on the north side cancels too?

Anyway, I broke down
in tears on my way to my first appointment at 9am.  I suppose it was guilt over the missed opportunities of my life, risks not taken, or money wasted.  Maybe it was because I keep getting lucky at the last minute?

But my emotions
this morning seemed to evolve into a thankfulness that I still have more chances to do better.   All I could think about about was how lucky I am to be alive.  I'm thankful that I never killed anyone all those nights driving home drunk.  I'm thankful that I'm sober now.  I'm thankful that I've been able to avoid being homeless to the is point.  I'm thankful that I have some stuff in my fridge to eat tonight/tomorrow.  I'm thankful that my daughter has her mom's financial security at a time when mine is mia.